So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
