So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
