I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize