Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
