she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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