I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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