i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
