Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I still have a little drunk in my system
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
