would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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