I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
