That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I could make wine with my vomit
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
