Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize