i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
