So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My vagina is very pro this idea
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
