But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
