hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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