Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
