bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
