i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my poor anus
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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