to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize