my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
