I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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