Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
