If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
