The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
