All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
