Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
