whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
