I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
