why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
