some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Houston, we have a blender
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
