Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
