No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize