My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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