I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
