pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
