State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
