you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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