I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
