mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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