I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
