at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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