I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
