I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
