listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i drank out of a bidet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
