I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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