My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
