maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
