How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
