So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
