he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize