You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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