so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
