Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
