How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize