Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
