He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
