Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
