Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
