I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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