Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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