ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
