The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
