It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
